Brand new me ....awwwh

I can't believe that actually i wrote it on 2.45 in the morning.
I had been confused and being lost after all these while after broke up with him.
I admitted that I'm not really good in those stuff especially handling a relationship.

I don't know where should i heading , which route should I take,
and most importantly I lost my passion in study.

But, suddenly he just came into my life, and smashed it.
Who is him? Yup, he is JIN.

I get inspired from his blog and his interviews, he is an awesome guy.
He is so passionate in his career as a singer , a actor and even his life and family.
As a loyal christian, he believed that the God will lead the way where he is heading on right now ,
with humble and down to the earth.
As a husband, he love his family with all his heart.
As a rapper, he never felt that he is always the best one even he won so many competitions.

His attitude of being who is him, he is... and always appreciated and felt grateful all the time.
His latest released single- Brand new me.

I think this is the time to wake up and think out of the box and said goodbye to me in the past and welcome the brand new me. Studying in University of Sydney is the dream of every students who wish they could study overseas, and I'm so lucky I got into it. However, I kept thinking of friends, food and family in Malaysia, and kept logging in Facebook. So that, I felt i was not being forgotten by them, and in another words, honestly i just scared to being alone in here.
Coming so far away from Malaysia to Sydney to study alone, no ones will understand what I had gone through so far. I always think that if I was given another chance to decide once again, would I still go ahead with this choice. And now, I can be very sure the answer will always be "YES!"
And, like JIN always say, GOD will definitely show you the way you should go, and have a faith on HIM.
A brand new LIZ... with all the passion and will power, hope you like it.

Is time to head off to my lovely dear bed. Good night world, good night liz, muacks!

很爱过,很痛过

        谢谢你从来没有觉得我不够好 

谢谢你守护我的每一分每一秒 

         谢谢当天塌下来你也会帮我顶着 

你的固执谁才会懂 

终于让时间回过头来想我们很傻 

连暴雨都有淋过才能逼得人成长 

没有地久没有天长

没有最美的话 

只有遗忘 

能让眼泪流过 

很爱过很痛过我们为了彼此而活过 

你爱我拥抱着我却让我看不见星空

我们都没有错没有谁比较寂寞 

我的世界早已经不是以前 

也许以後再也没人比你更爱我 

也许以後我也不可能再那样活 

每当想起你的时候 

快乐都比较多 

也许快乐是时间的幽默 

很爱过很痛过我们为了彼此而活过 

你爱我拥抱着我却让我看不见星空 

我们都没有错没有谁比较寂寞 

我的世界早已经不是以前 

多少天多少年爱一个人很难爱自己更难 

清晨心里所有美梦都不见 

很爱过很痛过我们为了彼此而活过 

你爱我拥抱着我却让我看不见星空 

我们都没有错没有谁比较寂寞 

我的世界早已经不是以前

你不在

电影里，电视剧里，分手的人总是会歇斯底里大哭，

原来在结束一段感情的时候，

原以为自己会很潇洒，舍得放手

原来我也是个普通女生，很爱过，很痛过

回忆会像一面面苍黄的慢动作影片在播放，

在一起的笑过，哭过，闹过，幸福过，互相依偎的体温，

重播着.....

他是第一个，我每天醒来有他在身边的人，

他是第一个，我每天为他洗衣晒衣，

他是第一个，我见或我家人的人，

他是我第一个给我一个家的感觉~

可是，我真的很累了

我无助伤心不开心，想要有人在身边的时候，他不在

他每次做东西都没有计划，每次决定好的，都一定做不到，一拖再拖

他说的 “迟一点” ，我都很期待

期待久了，却依然没有行动，我却傻傻的一直相信

对不起，我答应过等，但是我真的不行了

他说他已经长大了，不再是以前那个男孩

但是我却恢复了真正的自己 不再是陪在他身边玩的那个女生

或许他不肯承认，但是放弃他，
是因为他的懦弱

他总是有很多的借口和解释来说服自己，

要我相信他做的是对的

但是其实他却选择逃避和不敢面对前方的挑战

如果他觉得我放弃是因为我的心不定，还不懂得爱，

那当初他决定留下是最好的理由

如果一切回到过去，一起出发去实践我们的爱，

结局或许会不一样............如果......如果

爱，本来就只有两只手牵手的距离，

但是再加上一个海洋的距离，就会变得可有可无~ 

就算你多么需要它，已经习惯没有它

一个月，两个月，哭了多久，我自己也不知道

晚上发梦看到的也越来越模糊，离我越来越远

心像被抽离的痛........

當世界只剩下這床頭燈　

你那邊是早晨已經出門

我側身感到你在轉身

無數陌生人　正在等下一個綠燈

一再錯身彼此脆弱的時分

不過渴望一個吻的餘溫

我關了燈　黑暗把我併吞 wo

你不在　當我最需要愛　你卻不在 wo

無盡等待像獨白的難捱 wo

你不在　高興還是悲哀　你都不在

我受了傷再偷偷好起來　但你不在　不在

時間再按下許多次快門

沉默裏聽見轉動的秒針

一個人吃飯這個凌晨　孤單一人份

你低聲說你有別人

我的話筒只有自己的體溫

怎樣認真也不一定成真

你說的對　我不得不承認 wo

你不在　當我最需要愛　你卻不在 wo

無盡等待像獨白的難捱 wo

你不在　高興還是悲哀　你都不在 wo

我受了傷再偷偷好起來　但你不在 wo

那些搖擺　我都明白　都明白

但你不在　愛已不在　不在

你不在　當我最需要愛　你卻不在 wo

一個人分飾兩角的戀愛 wo

你不在　高興還是悲哀　你都不在 wo

像空氣般不存在的存在

再沒有痕跡的愛　你不在

當我需要你的愛　你不在

他说过的承诺，或许只是随口说说，

但是我一直等待那天的到来，不会发生的一天
是时候结束了， 该是画上句号，离席了

第二十一个单身的生日，快乐~ Liz

Hate Last Minute Work...Regreted

The 71th Day in Sydney...


I am both mentally and physcially drained right now, extremely drain in fact. Fuck~ ( ‵o′)凸

I only slept for 25 minutes within 2 days. Last time,  I felt that my battery was long lasting. But I think I almost died today.

I need to hand in human biology report and psychology essay on the same day, their marks will affect my final results. Using the time left over right now, to do rendering and that close up the entire submission. I was on the verge to give up. I was struggling inside. And I simply know this is not what I want. I hate last minute work and this is really last last last minute.

I seriously have learnt my lesson. I know this habit of mine irritating myself at times, which is stop trying to confirm the date/time of  meet-up more than 24 hours before the event itself or get the work done within 24 hours of deadline. Every time the voice in my head would be relentless in reminding me to to get everything done as soon as possible in my mind so that I wouldn't have it hanging over my head like a heavy cloud, but, that does not come true all the time.

I swear, this is the first time I felt to stressed up and disappointed in myself. What kind of rubbish work am I producing. Even if the lecturers are going to scold me, I'm fine, because I know, I'm seriously too far away from being good. I cannot accept the kind of lousy work I handed in. Sigh ╭(╯3╰)╮
There's nothing that I can do to salvage this situation.

 I should stop dwelling on it and work on them.

 I miss my bed so much. Good night world~

It's time to wake up...

The 70th Day in Sydney...

Just realized that i wasted so much times for doing nothing at here, keep thinking nonsense.
I read one article few days ago, and suddenly i found that i was lost, i'm not who i am now...
Where is Liz? Where I am?

It’s so easy to sit back and stay comfortable in your comfort zone. Really easy.
In fact, it’s so easy, it’s the easy option most people take all of their lives. So you’re not alone there.


But how could things be different if you were to get really honest with yourself and acknowledge where you are being dishonest?


Even myself, i couldn't hardly find what i really want? Let go or keep struggling with the unrealistic hope , what should i do?


Where are you turning a blind eye to opportunities for huge growth and freedom? Where are you selling yourself in the name of false security? Where are you putting up with things that are truly unbearable to you because there is a perceived payoff – something you are grasping onto and giving value to because your mind tells you it’s important?


Is he the one or he just the passerby of my life ? I never been in dilemma in Love Games since the day i knew what is it. It is just a game which will game over one day and someone will come and someone will leave, this is the rule. But what's wrong with me now ?


And when you stop running in circles, making up constant stories and justifying your own pain, that’s when things can settle and you might just have a chance of hearing the quiet whispers deep inside.
The whispers from something that is so much greater than you are and ultimately gives your existence meaning.
When you are not listening to this voice, your life is on a low flame, dishing up luke-warm experiences created by a mind run riot that thinks it’s in the driver’s seat.

By: Fiona Stolze

Liz, stay strong !

望著同一片藍天~

昨天，謝謝一個很長氣有超愛鬥嘴的啊公陪我聊天...


或許，是我遇到愛情，就變笨的關係
或許，是我不願意去看清楚現實
或許，我還在期盼著我的憧憬會實現的一天


但是，他卻像剖洋蔥一樣，
一層一層的剖開我的心，
把我不願意面對的東西，全都說了出來~


今天上心理學課的時候，教授的講課竟然開導了我~
他說，如果你連自己都不可以說出你自己心裡的話，
            做不到你心裡想要做的事情，那你就背叛了自己~
            你是你自己的老闆，你要做什麽事情，
            你都有自由，最重要的是，你要懂你自己！

對，如果我連自己的事情都不能夠做決定的話，
我真的是很俗辣~
我不是違背爸爸媽媽的意思，
只是我想堅持我自己的想法，
就算是短暫擁有，只要開心過，我不後悔~
我從來不是個拖泥帶水的人，合則來不合則分的人~


我不要求他的學歷多高，但至少要肯上進，
學歷不夠，就要努力靠後天~
只是比別人走的路繞了一大圈，
因為先人走過了這條路是錯的，他把它分享在書裡~
可是你看不懂，你就走了同樣的路，悟了同樣的道理，
但是卻比其他人懂得遲了一點，
人家常說：聽君一席話勝讀十年書（我不是老派>,<)
不是沒有道理，因為你不會重犯他經曆的錯誤，
所以更快，用了比他更短的時間達到了你要去的地方~
不用到處去摸索，到處去碰壁，
在十字路口時，也不用去猶豫那一條去路~


我曾經也浪費時間，無所事事
但是我都從交往過的男朋友身上學到東西~
這就是人家常講的，互相學習，一起成長~
我慶倖的是，我遇到了他們，把我開竅~
他們的經驗和閱歷是我永遠都最不上的，
唯有多讀書，多觀察社會，多與各階層人溝通
才會豐富人生~
我才能夠站在他們的角度，看著同一片的天空~
分享同一片的景色~


我也許，
應該給他一次機會，一起成長~
“望著同一片藍天”~